I Found My Long Lost Sister!

1 May

I am the youngest of three, and the only girl. Growing up without sisters never really was a standout issue for me. My brothers and I were close and as long as I had them by my side I was happy. With my mom in and out the house a lot due to work commitments since I could remember, it was always just me, my dad, and my brothers. We went to school together (we are all 2 years apart),  played video games together,watched WWF together, just me and them really.

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It never really occured to me how important interaction with other girls were to me until I would say right in the middle of elementary  school when I made my very first best friend outside of my brothers. Her and I instantly clicked, and a whole new world of girly things opened up for me lol.  Her being the oldest of three girls the ‘girly’ lifestyle was not new to her. I felt a little out of place at times. This new world of talking about clothes, boys, etc. was different. But finding someone who I could relate to, and talk about everything with because they were going through the same things was priceless.

Fast forward to high school when I met my now best friend. We started college together and we were inseparable. They even had nicknames for us like Thunder & Lightning, Strawberry & Chocolate, and the infamous Shorty Red and Tasha Baby (don’t ask lol).   I moved away to New York City during college and stayed several years after my graduation, and we still talked every single day, about everything. Family issues, work issues, personal issues I always knew I could call on her and she always had my best interest in mind. I  considered her to be more than my friend, but also my sister. We both were even pregnant with our children literally at the same time (our babies were born one week apart), and we’ve been through so many ups and downs together. Of course there were hiccups in our friendship but we wanted to stay committed to the bond we created as friends and always made it our business to be open, honest, and upfront with each other when one of our feelings felt hurt about something the other had done. I knew growing up that I could always count on my brothers, but was blessed to also be able to always count on my sister too.

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Looking back on those experiences I can see where my drive to build an unbreakable sister circle and promote the benefits of a sisterhood started. Even at a young age I was able to understand that my best friend was not just my friend but someone put in my life to encourage me, to build me up, to have my back, to be my SISTER. Even way back in elementary school the foundation was laid. When my best friend or I needed someone to talk to, to go outside and ride bikes with, sit and eat lunch with we were there for each other.  Now that i’m older I feel so blessed to have built such an amazing circle of sisters. None who were birthed by my parents, but all who were destined  for us to be a milestones in each others path to help each other become the people we are today.

Sometimes I get met with curiosity on the purpose of the Beautiful Brown Girls Brunch Club, and have even been told ‘oh it’s just a group of women having brunch every month’ as if it’s no big deal. The core mission of Beautiful Brown Girls is for ethnic women to able to meet new ladies in a non judgemental environment to network, socialize, and grow their sister circle. It’s SO vital especially nowadays when reality TV only shows the world that we hate each other, for our culture to be able to come together as women and be each others rock, anchors, motivational push, someone who tells you the truth whether you want to hear it or not, dependable, loving, and encouraging friend, and to be your sister. So happy to have the opportunity and able to give other women the opportunity to find their long lost sisters every single day through BBG! :)

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Lessons in Forgiveness

27 Mar

Do we truly understand the meaning of forgiveness? I thought I did, until I REALLY had to forgive someone. I mean not that forgive and not forget kind of forgiveness, but the past is the past let’s move forward and start anew kind of forgiveness.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.  I decided to take a test and the + sign popped up. I didn’t believe it. I took 5 more tests that day lol. One’s with the words, ones with the lines, any kind of test I could find. All read the same thing. I was nervous, scared, excited, confused all at the same time.

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It was time to tell my daughters father that I was expecting. He was a close friend that had slowly moved into the “someone I’m dating” category within the last few months. Two young people not ready for a baby, but one was on the way so it was time to get ready and quickly! My daughter’s father and I had an odd public “relationship”. We were constantly around each other due to mutual friends and the nature of our work, but few knew about anything else. Being pregnant in a city by myself (literally) I needed him more than ever before. He left.

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I remember the day I got the phone call from ….. his mother. I was around 3 months and having horrible morning sickness during my first trimester. I couldn’t find him. He wasn’t answering my calls, emails, texts  instant messages… nothing. She said “I told him to cut contact with you until you have the baby and we can take a DNA test.” The words cut me so deep. I cried, I pleaded with her. I was by myself and I needed him. The decision still remained. I went to every single doctors appointment by myself. It was the loneliest feelings in the world for me. I still cry thinking about that time in my life sometimes. That pain was so hard to bear. I had friends who helped and I love them dearly for it, but that void was there. In my 8th month I decided to move back home.

Two weeks before I gave birth, he called. He asked if he could come to Miami for the birth. He knew that was his daughter and I guess the guilt finally caught up with him. I agreed. Once he got to Miami things didn’t go so well, I had a lot of anger built up in me. Enough that I couldn’t even stand the sight of him.  He asked to be there in the delivery room and I denied of that privilege.  I just didn’t feel like he deserved to feel that joy and love I felt from my daughter. He didn’t earn it and I wasn’t going to give it away freely. One week after my daughter was born, he left again.

He sent an email to me regarding how he felt and that he felt it was best that he cut contact with me (those words again smh). I wasn’t surprised, nor was I scared. I spent my entire pregnancy without him this was nothing new. I felt prepared to do this by myself. Fast forward 3 years later without any contact (YES THREE!) I randomly got a message from a mutual friend of ours that my daughter’s father was not in good health. I had known about his health problems since the beginning but to hear the words really jolted me to the reality of this life lesson that was in front of me. Two days later I heard the voice on the other end of the phone of my daughters father. A voice that was all too familiar, but still a stranger. His kidneys had failed, and he was on daily dialysis. He needed a kidney transplant and didn’t know if this was the end for him. He wanted to finally meet his daughter.

In that very moment I heard this scripture in my head:

Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you

This was my test, had I learned the lesson? I had to let the anger go, and move forward. I was so bitter, so hurt, so upset. It wasn’t hurting anyone but myself, and inadvertently my daughter at the end of the day. After 3 years my daughter finally met her dad for the first time. That moment brought so much peace into my life. I wish I could explain the feeling. It gave me an understanding of what God explains as “not the peace that the world gives, but the peace that passeth all understanding”. What situation are you letting hold you back? It may not be an actual “I forgive you” conversation that may be needed with someone, but go into your quiet place, and lay all your burdens, hurt down, and finally REALLY forgive. It’s worth it!

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I Moved To NYC For A Man…

6 Mar

When I was 21 years old I packed up all my things and moved from Miami to NYC…. for a man. I laugh out loud every time I think about it. Wasn’t just any man at the time he was my next breath. “He became the sun, I became the moon” (Erykah Badu) definitely summarized our relationship.  I was head over heels in love and just knew this was “it”. I’m sure you’re saying “but you were 21?!”.  If I could write a letter to my 21 year old self right now believe me I would be saying the same thing too.

Most people who on the outside looking in only see the fairy tale part of the story. The story that in there head sounds like this “Wow, Christina had this awesome dream to make something amazing of herself  by going to college in NYC, pursuing this great career, and really fulfilling the ‘american dream’.” The Christina is awesome part is true lol but moving to NYC to have a career, etc. was never even a thought in my mind. Even when we’re not thinking about the big picture, God is.

I loved Miami. I was born and raised in Dade county grew up in Opa-locka. Had a ton of friends, was going to Florida Memorial Univ. with my high school friends and was having the time of my life. I met him on campus. He was from New Jersey. We clicked. 2 years later he was moving back up north and I woke up one morning and said i’m going too. My parents didn’t even believe me at the time till I packed all my clothes in a few of those big U-Haul boxes, stuffed them in my car and headed to UPS to ship my items from Miami to NYC. I quit my job, got home that night went online and bought a plane ticket. I distinctly remember my mom saying “You’re really going?” and I looked at her and sealed the deal with a bold “Yes!”

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I left everything. Friends, family, car, a full 4 year scholarship, everything. Crazy right lol. Our relationship lasted 4 years and hit it’s breaking point and didn’t work out in the end. Life happens. However, moving to NYC was the best decision I’ve ever made so far in life. I think back though and really contemplate sometimes would I have ever left Miami if it wasn’t for him. Probably not. Definitely divine intervention. Certain situations we get so stressed out we don’t see how things are working in our favor.

We get caught up in the why me’s? The woulda, shoulda, coulda’s instead of embracing the moment.  Not to say that if I didn’t go things would be super different, but I wouldn’t be the person that I am right now. There definitely wouldn’t be any Beautiful Brown Girls Brunch Club. All things happen as they should.  Don’t get me wrong there were several moments during my 6 year stay in NYC that I couldn’t understand what good was really going to come of all this. I was upset at myself for making poor choices. I was upset that I had left a full scholarship to having to apply for student loans. In life, in every decision we make, in every commitment we make… there is a lesson.

We’re not only here to live life, but we are here to be taught, to grow, to fulfill the purpose we are placed on this Earth to serve. We all have purpose.  After all was said an done with him and I, I felt so lost. He was my family in NYC, he was my everything. I didn’t know what to do. I remember I read the book ‘Living Through the Meantime’ by Iyanla Vanzant (highly recommend it! To both women and men) and made a commitment to stop playing the victim. Yup, I had to call myself out like ‘Christina get it together!’ You’re sitting here crying about living in this amazing city, having these amazing opportunities available for you. I had to step out that fog I created for myself and things got REAL clear from that moment on. Life opened up. God just wants you to trust and believe that he’s got your back no matter what.

Paying It Forward.

11 Feb

Growing up my dream job was to be a housewife. That’s the country girl in me I guess lol.  Jump to my college years… got my degree in Mass Communications. I’m excited because this month marks about 8 years for me in the marketing/communications industry. It’s of course been nothing short of a really interesting and fun journey for me though. Luckily one thing that stands out to me is I’ve always been blessed to have great bosses/leaders in every position I’ve been in.

I rarely talk about my day career, but I started out in Entertainment/Music Public Relations and Marketing and stayed in that field for about 7 years. For those who’ve worked in the music industry cut throat is the best word to describe it. I talked to a friend from my music PR days the other day and he asked what made me leave entertainment. I replied “my sanity!” We both had a good laugh from that one because it’s the truth.

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I worked as General Manager of a PR/Marketing firm in NYC for about 5 of those 7 years and as stressful as it was, it was also amazing! The people I worked with made it worth the experience. My boss was an AMAZING entrepreneur and saw the potential in me and took me under her wing and taught me everything. I started out just as a regular eager Publicist/Account Manager and she said to me “you’re going to be my right hand”. She taught me everything about business in general.  She wouldn’t let me be “regular”. She saw greatness in me and made me live up to it, daily. She pushed me to learn more to step out of my comfort zone. From her guidance I went from just the eager Publicist to becoming the Director of Public Relations, to General Manager supervising all of the Publicists and running a million dollar NYC PR firm. I sometimes sit back and think back how wonderful God’s provision is.

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Relationships.

9 Jan

If this ain’t the TRUTH! Erykah Badu (via twitter) broke down the different phases of relationships so honestly it all speaks for itself.

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People are human, and there’s going to come a time when all that jazz and excitement fades, and things get really real. Relationships can be a job all in itself from getting to know someone, learning each other’s issues, and being willing to love that person in spite of it all.  Companionship is a beautiful thing you  just have to be willing to sometimes wait till the coal turns into a diamond.

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2012 – My Personal Reflection

27 Dec

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Took me a minute to write this post, my thoughts have been so all over the place I couldn’t even think straight. This morning I sat still and listened. I opened my heart and I listened. God speaks in those still moments. This year I learned about gratitude, self-appreciation, unity, discernment, peace, patience, and above all of these things I learned about LOVE.

I have finally come to the realization that maybe I didn’t know what I needed. Couldn’t have told me that 365 days ago though lol. There is a divine order to life and we are where we are supposed to be exactly when we need to be there. I had a friend ask me earlier this month if there was one thing I could go back and undo in my life what would it be? Everything in our journeys has been pre-planned for us to go through and grow through for us to be where we are today, and I’m grateful for it all. Every person I’ve met, every bad relationship I’ve gone through, every problem and issue (even the ones I’m currently going through lol) I had to conquer, have all been stepping stones for the life I live today.

Sometimes it takes more than your eyes to see the lesson. Learning to move out of my own way has been my biggest problem throughout 2012. Fear is something serious ya’ll! Failure is even more scary. Had some moments where God had to almost literally push me out the way LOL.  In those moments I learned faith, I learned discernment, and patience! We all have great plans for ourselves and should always be forward thinking in living our best life, BUT the biggest lesson is learning to work on preparing yourself and your destiny will begin to take shape and move you where you need to be.

The preparation process is the REAL work! Embracing that moment of where you are may not be where you want to be just yet is the real work! With steep learning curves ahead of us we fear the unknown. The unknown is where the real growth occurs! We’ve heard the scriptures told to us time and time again that God will never put on us more than we can bear. That’s because he’s already prepared and equipped each one of us for that very moment. Be still and believe that. There’s peace in that place. Some say luck is when preparation meets opportunity, but I say blessings are when preparation meets opportunity. Step out of your own way, be still, listen, and go forward with trust and just watch how the road begins to roll out for you. May not be how you want it to, but it will be the way it needs to be.

2012 taught me to move through a place of love in all of my actions. My favorite quote that I live by (I even have it tattooed on me) is “Love is the light, Forward is the motion”. I’m no perfect person and it’s a daily struggle believe me lol! However, it has been the most rewarding peaceful feeling when your actions towards others are pure, genuine, and done through a place of love and empowerment. I’ve never been more grateful in my life for EVERYTHING I’ve been through!

Get excited about those next steps, because I’m also excited with you!! Happy New Year :)

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2012 Year In Review – The Beautiful Brown Girls Brunch Club

21 Dec

Happy Holidays from the Beautiful Brown Girls Brunch Club! 2012 has been such an awesome year for the Beautiful Brown Girls Brunch Club and it makes my heart smile to look back and see all of the great times we’ve shared this year. Thank you ladies for embracing the mission of this group to learn to love our culture, our selves, and each other! Here’s to new friendships, building our individual sistah circles, inspiring each other, and  a successful new year of making things happen!

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January Brunch – BBGBC – South Florida

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February Brunch – BBGBC LA

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11 Things.

11 Dec

question-marksI know I have not blogged in a hot minute. Been sort of on an emotional roller coaster lately (See I do keep some things to myself and off the internet lol). Life lessons both good and bad can be tough sometimes, but all are blessings to move you to that next level so no complaints here.

Ran across a post on another site I frequent ‘Halfway to Normal’ and she did a 25 questions about me post. Very interesting questions and answers so I figured I’d re create it for myself, but with less questions (whose got that kind of time lol)

Here we go…

  1. What do you say when your children or a dear friend asks “what do YOU think I should do?” I tell them exactly what I would do. However, I’ve come to learn and respect that everyone is different. We think and process things differently, we were raised differently so our morals and values our different. Even our children think differently than us at times. None of it is wrong, it’s just different and guess what that is okay. If you think it about it this whole thing called life is a learning process with each of one of us teaching and guiding each other to live our best lives. So I do freely give my advice when asked, and I ask for it from my friends too.
  2. On what side of the bed do you sleep? I’m kind of an in the middle of the bed sleeper. I have no preference honestly either side is fine with me.
  3. What is the first thing you consume when you wake up in the mornings? Coffee! Yes, I’m addicted and have no problem with admitting to it.
  4. How many pillows do you sleep with/upon? Between 1-2
  5. What’s your favorite magazine? My favorite magazine is online clutchmagazine.com
  6. In an online world where so much is virtual and even many of your friends you’ve never met, how do you decide who is the authentic you I’m online ALL time. It’s part of my career to be online since I work in social media marketing. I’ve found the best way to being authentic is doing just that being you on and offline. Those who know me on and offline know that THIS is me. Every status update is something I would say, or think, or do. Making up a life takes too much work so I just be me, take it or leave it :)
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Single In This Age, At This Age (BBG on the Radio TONIGHT!)

20 Nov

Excited!! Tonight Erika (BBG Asst. Organizer) and I will be on the Reality & Relationships online show with hosts Felicia and Maya.  Happy to be invited on to talk about Beautiful Brown Girls an our most recent endeavors in creating quality urban singles events. We have successfully planned  two speed dating/happy hour events and look forward to many more in the future. Tonight’s discussion topic on the show is “Dating in this age, at this age”. Whew! That’s a whole day long interview all in itself.

To be honest it woke me a up a little like da#@ I really am single in this age, and at this age LOL! Won’t tell my exact age ;) but it’s between the range of 25-35 (don’t let the baby face fool you lol). When I was younger I just knew I was gonna be married by the age of 23. Twenty-three has come and gone and now i’m _ _ and STILL single?! Not in the biggest rush to be in a relationship, nor have I reached the road of desperation, but I sure do miss having some companionship.

I’m not into man bashing at all. I really do respect my brothers out there with a good head on their shoulders, but geesh why are they so few and far between?! The funniest thing I read the other day was a quote from @jasfly on twitter that she quoted from another person

“Listen, ain’t NO ni–as out here. They’re taken. All of them. If they say they aren’t, they lyin. They tryin to F$#K!” – Von

As harsh as  that statement may sound it’s honestly exactly what 85% of African-American single women think of the available African American men these days. Someone please point me in the direction of these attractive, honest, genuine, loyal, educated brothers because the ones I’ve been running across these days can’t be all that’s left.

Tune in tonight from 7-10pm at wsuionline.com and call in with your questions / comments 305 515 9784

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It’s A New Dawn, It’s A New Day, It’s A New Life.

2 Nov

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin’ on by you know how I feel

Got my first birthday card today :) . Thankful to be approaching another year of life. These last few years for me have had highs and lows but the journey has been nothing short of AMAZING! A few years ago a guy I was dating and I started a daily tradition of each morning sending each other 10 things that we were grateful for (yes, I drag everyone into the corniness that is my life lol). It was a great way to just start the day on a positive note, with a humble heart, and motivated. So with that said…

5 things I’m grateful for this year are:

1. My family- LORD knows my life wouldn’t function without them! My parents have honestly been my ROCK through everything! Encouraging but not overbearing, babysitters when needed, and just always there for me NO MATTER WHAT! I know i’ve put them through some valleys lol but they’ve never left my side. I remember the day I decided to tell my my dad that I was pregnant with my daughter. I was SCARED!!!!! Her father and I weren’t in a relationship, not really ready, and in NYC without family and just kind of “making it” for the most part. The first thing my dad said to me when I spoke to him about it was “Congratulations!”. I could have BURST into tears at that moment. Above any other issues that would be a stumbling block during my pregnancy, my parents held my hand through the whole thing and still have.

2. Peace of mind – I don’t think people really understand how great peace of mind FEELS. Yes, there is a feeling there. Learning to surrender, let go, and let God is such a free-ing feeling. Watching Oprah’s interview with 50 cent recently also opened my eyes to how much we worry about things we don’t really have control over. He told Oprah his motto was to “Either worry about it, or pray about it. You can’t do both”  It’s true. My motto has become Philippians 4:6-8 6 Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Free yourselves people!

3. Simone – My daughter taught me how to unconditionally love someone. I’m forever grateful for being blessed to be able to be her mother and raise her.  Words can’t explain the LOVE and HAPPINESS she brings me daily, even when she’s driving me to the brink of insanity lol.

4. Beautiful Brown Girls – Of course my grateful speech couldn’t be complete without my BBG! The BBG team, and members, have been one of the best things that has happened in my life. The friendships, the love, the support that we all have been gifted through this platform wow! My cup runneth over.

5. Life – l’ve  had two instances in the last two years of those close to me taking their own lives,  it really wakes you up. Being able to know that life is WORTH living is truly a blessing.

It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good – Nina Simone

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